Pain and Love
by Laurena
Summary: What happens when Akito tells Kyo their bet is off. BoyXBoy YxK, updated next chapter
1. Chapter 1

He lounged on the window ceil in Shigure's office. He was there for another of Shigure's lectures most likely. It was the second time in two weeks that he was in Shigure's office. It had to be some kind of record, Shigure wasn't one to give out lectures very often, but maybe the reason Kyo was here, in his office again, was worth lecturing about.

"Kyo, this is serious." Shigure said, massaging his temples. "You need to understand that it isn't the end yet, you still have time."

'_Time' _Kyo mentally scuffed, _'Time had abandoned me, love hasn't even met me and, hope is a thing of the past.'_ He thought depressed.

"You're worrying Tohru with this silence bit, you know her she thinks it's her fault." Shigure said, sighing when he got know response. "You can leave if you're not going to talk back." He said, a hint of anger in his voice.

Kyo got up and went to his room. _'My hole. To rot in until I'm taken away to a new one, where I can rot till I die.' _He flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

Kyo POV, Start flashback

I remember that day, I'll remember that day till I rot in hell. The day Hatori came over without even calling, he came and took me to the main house, to see Akito.

I had entered and sat on the floor, eye glued to my knees.

"My little monster." Akito said, running his hand though my hair. "My ugly, disgusting, lowly monster…" he whispered in my ear. I shuttered, I hate it when he touched me, with his disgusting, pasty hands.

"You still haven't beaten Yuki, hmm, how did I know, oh wait. It's because you'll never beat him, because you are inferior to my precious Yuki. My beautiful Yuki can never be beaten. And to think you actually thought that you could." He said and started to laugh hysterically. "And if I recall you made a bet with me, well you only have a year left and I've decided to withdraw my lots." He said casually.

"What! You can't do that!" I said, looking up startled.

"Yes I can, and I just did. You will be put in the cage to rot, just like all the other cats before you." He said laughing, "What? You thought you were better than all the other cats? No, if anything you are lowlier, you are the scum of the earth. To think I'm actually doing everyone a favor, locking you up. All you do is take up room, time, and money, what better way to be rid of you then lock you up in cage that hasn't been use in almost thirty years."

"No, you promised, you can't do this…"

"Stop telling me what to do." Akito hissed, kicking me in the stomach.

I hunched over, coughing. "No, please, Akito."

"What was that, 'please'? Well you said the magic word." Akito went the bureau beside his bed, and pulled something out, but I couldn't see.

He walked back over to me with it in his hands, "My little monster, I will make you pay for even existing…" He smiled cruelly and brought out a whip and hand cuffs.

My eyes widened with fear. "Please, Akito, don't—'

He grabbed my hair and through me against the wall. I fell to the ground, helpless to save myself from the Sohma god.

He cuffed my hands and the hung me on a hook on the wall, probably there for this very purpose, '_Sick bastard!'_

"My monster…" He purred in my ear. "So helpless… At this moment you actually remind me of my precious Yuki." He stepped back, ripping off my shirt.

"Please don't…" I practically whimpered.

"Oh but I want to." He suddenly lashed out with the whip, hitting me as hard as he could, I didn't scream, with all my might I would refuse he the pleasure of hearing my scream.

He hit me again, and again, I could tell that he was getting annoyed, with the urgency with which his strokes came in contact with my back. One victory. One thing that I would have, silence. Pure Silence. And nobody could take that away from me.

I don't remember how I got home, I think that during the beating I fell unconscious.

End flashback

It had been two weeks ago, but it felt like only a few hours ago. He had missed school, being unable to walk because of the tremendous beating Akito had administered. Although now he could walk he still ditched, he didn't have the energy nor the patience to even want to have to face his classmates, he'd rather stay home in his hole.

A muscle spasm sent a shock of pain through his back, he clinched his teeth.

Shigure had talked to him, because Kyo had taken to not talking, not a word, grunt , or even an audible sigh. Not a sound. He had also taken to cutting.

'_They don't understand, no one understands, and I don't intend to tell them, I don't intent to ever tell anyone anything.' _Kyo smiled as his stomach growled, he wasn't about to go get something to eat, either.

He was going to slowly wait as he rotted away. The sweet agony. He couldn't remember when he first realized that he liked pain, maybe after all of the beatings he took from Yuki, it was to be expected.

There was a knock on the door. He ignored it, it was probably Tohru, she would just go away if he didn't get up and answer it.

"Cat!" The door was shoved open. It was Yuki. Yuki? That was new.

Kyo slowly turned his head toward Yuki, his face an emotionless mask.

Yuki closed the door, and sat on the floor next to Kyo's futon. "I want to talk." He said slowly, looking Kyo in the eyes.

"…" no response from Kyo.

"Will you shake your head 'yes' or 'no' at least?" Yuki asked, annoyed.

Kyo shrugged. Good enough.

Yuki looked down at his hands for a time, when he looked back up he had shed his mask of perfection, he had allowed he turn emotions to show. "Kyo I'm worried about you, stop this." He said tears brimming at the edge of his eyes.

'_He said my name…'_ Kyo thought in wonder, _'What's going on?'_

Yuki sat forward and grabed Kyo's hand and looked at the wrists, "Kyo." He whispered. And then he kissed the woolen and bloody cuts. "Kyo stop this." He broke down in tears.

All Kyo could do was stare at him, confused and amazed.

"Kyo, please come back to us, your so thin, you so withdrawn, please stop this, stop hurting my—' he sobbed, 'my Kitty." He leaned toward Kyo lightly brushing his lips in a chaste kiss.

'_Does someone love me? Have I found love in the one I thought was my worst enemy? Or could it be a sick game?'_

"Kyo you're breaking my heart, I loved when you would fight me. Now I don't even see you. Kyo I love you, and you're scaring me." Yuki kissed his wrist again, holding the palm of his hand to his face. "I love you."

"Prove it."

Yuki looked up startled to hear the slightly hoarse, but familiar voice.

"What?"

"I said, prove it." Kyo said, taking his hand back and turning around so that his back faced Yuki.

'_He's beaten me again, he's broken the one thing I thought I had, Silence.' _

Yuki came forward, pulling Kyo back onto his back, and then kissing him, full on the lips, with all of the passion he had stored up for so long.

"I love you, and I'm never going to let anyone have you."

Kyo couldn't stop, even if it was a lie, and cruel game, it felt to good to kiss Yuki, it felt too right.

"I…" Kyo hesitated, he couldn't bring himself to say anything, to break what was happening, to ruin it, he wanted it to last, even if in the morning Yuki would smirk and call him a faggot.

So he let Yuki kiss him, make love to him, and fall a sleep with him in his arms. Even if in the morning it all melted away, leaving him in an even deeper despair, he wanted it to last.


	2. Chapter 2

(Belated)Disclaimer: Don't own…not creative enough…

Merci for the reviews, **sess's bitch, Mirage10050, Dark Angel Of Fire Ice, Janganshi1019, …**

Grazie, ciao and on with the very erred and ungrammatically correct story, (to lazy to proofread, no editor…)

Kyo opened his eyes, and smiled.

He couldn't help but smile, after what happened last night, it had been pure bliss. He had known Yuki was beautiful, but knowing isn't the same as actually experiencing it first hand and up close.

Kyo stretched and turned onto his side expecting to see Yuki.

He wasn't there. Yuki wasn't there. Had it been some kind of vivid dream, no his bed still smelled like sex. Where was Yuki, had he been in embarrassed? Was he just going to act like nothing happened?

That would be unthinkable; he would die if Yuki was ashamed of him.

Kyo knew that he was probably freaking out for no reason, be he couldn't help but spaz. For his whole life he had been rejected, but to be wanted, and then reject was just to much for him, he would die.

Kyo jumped out of his bed, pulling on a pair of brief and his jeans. Then he quickly ran to his nightstand, opening up the juror he grabbed his only friend. The pocket knife he had gotten from Shishou for his ninth birthday.

He jumped out of his window and he ran into the woods

_Run. Don't stop! You have to Run! Get away from that place, the jail, before the prison._

_What did I DO! Why me, why the cat?_

Kyo POV

Run. Fall. I can't get up. Rain. Stupid rain. I hate rain.

I lie here, to weak to get up, even to weak to move. I hate myself I can't even shield myself from the rain, I'm too stupid and weak.

I'm a fool to think that anyone would love, especially Yuki. All I am is a sex toy. Some object to feel, hate, disgust, or desire toward. Yuki probably felt all three, but one think was sure, Yuki didn't love me, he couldn't. I can't be loved. I'm the cat. The monster. The nonentity of the family, and pretty soon the world wouldn't have to worry about me, either. I would end it. I would make sure. I would make sure I felt my life slowly slip away.

I cut my throat, the pain was utter bliss I almost couldn't stand it. My vision started to go blurry.

I heard feet splatter through the mud. Who, other than me, would be out in the rain?

"Omigosh! Someone call the ambulance it's a guy." I heard a girl yell through the pitter-patter of the rain.

"A guy? What's he doing in the rain?" It was a man's voice.

"Urgh." I struggled to sit up, but fell back.

"Hey guy, don't strain youself." I looked at the hand on his bare chest urging me to stay down, and then everything went black.

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Kyo heard noises. He tried to open his eyes but they wouldn't move. He struggled, but after a minute they finally opened to a seemingly bright light.

"Look Machi-kun he's awake." The girl that he had seen before said leaning over him.

"Hey what's your name?" a guy said as he came over to the other side of Kyo's hospital bed.

Kyo didn't answer, he just looked at him.

"Can you talk?" the girl asked.

Kyo shook his head 'no'.

"Oh." Machi-kun said.

Kyo tried to move his hands, but found that they were tied to the bed.

"The doctors thought that it would be better to put restraints on you." The girl stated.

Kyo just stared at the girl.

"Um, okay then." Machi-kun said, "This is Yukiko-san and I'm Machi-kun. Can you write?" He asked.

Kyo nodded.

"Okay." he grabbed a pen and paper. "I'll untie one hand to write with, and then you can write your name, okay?"

Kyo nodded.

He hand free, he wrote his name. "Kyo Sohma." Machi-kun read. "Can you write your address and phone number?" He asked.

Kyo did.

"I'll give this to the doctors."

About 20 minutes later a worried Tohru, Shigure, and Yuki walked into the hospital room.

"Oh Kyo, we were so worried, you ran so far away, off of the Sohma property." Tohru said as tears leaked from her eyes.

Kyo's eyes softered, and he smiled crookedly.

"You stupid cat. I went to my room to change, and I come back and you're gone, I was so worried! Why did you leave! After what happened! Why? Why Kyo!" Yuki said grabbing the neck of Kyo's hospital gown.

Kyo looked away.

"Are you still not talking, Kitten?" Shigure lamented.

"Cat? Kitten?" Machi-kun said confused.

"Terms of endearment." Shigure lied.

"Oh." Yukiko-san and Machi-kun both said.

Yuki started to cry. "You thought I was lying, after all of that, you still don't trust me? Kyo I wasn't lying." Yuki kissed Kyo passionately in front of everyone.

"Wow, that's hot." Yukiko-san said, fanning herself.

Kyo winced, the pressure from the kiss, making him move his head. Yuki stopped and looked at his neck.

"Kyo say something." Yuki said.

Kyo opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Tears started to make trails down his face. He couldn't talk, the cut in his neck had damaged his voice box.

A doctor came as if on queue. "Shigure Sohma? Are you Kyo Sohma's guardian?"

Shigure nodded.

"May I speak with you in the hall a moment?"

"Anything you have to say concerning Kyo, say it in front of him." Shigure said, unnaturally serious.

The doctor nodded. "It seems that the cut on Kyo Sohma's neck did not puncture he aorta artery, but it did do massive damage to his voice box. I'm afraid to say that, as of right now, all hopes of him ever talking again are very slim.

Kyo started to cry again. He had liked the power of being able to talk, but not talking. Now that he couldn't talk, he felt like fool, a helpless nothing.

Yuki was crying too. "Oh Kyo." He kept on say between sobs. _I wish he would stop that. But I can't tell him that, because I can't talk._ A new batch of tears came to his eyes.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Kyo P.O.V

_It's been three days and people still treat me like I'm deaf, I just wont to scream at them, its so frustrating!_

I wrote down on the notepad Shigure gave me until I either get my voice back or learned sign language, probable the latter.

"I can imagine…" Yuki said his voice shaking.

_Don't cry. Or I'll stop writing, Stop feeling sorry for me._ I wrote wiping a single tear away.

"I'm sorry, I just, I loved to talk to you, and this is just too awkward." He got off of my bed and left.

The one person I needed to talk to the most, couldn't stand communicating with me.

Wow, this sucks. I'm worse off them when I started.

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My last 'conversation' with Yuki was yesterday. Todays Monday and Shigure is making me go to school. For the time being I'm still going to High School, but if my voice never recovers they'll be sending my to deaf, dumb, and blind school.

I'm usually a morning person, not anymore. I dread getting up and having to bandage my throat. Having to look at the ugly wound I had inflicted upon myself.

I got dressed slowly. Then I went down stairs.

"Good Morning, Kyo." Tohru said loudly with a smile.

I took out my notepad_. I'M NOT DEAF!_

"Oh I'm sorry Kyo, I'm-I'm." She started to sputter, I just walked away.

I heard footsteps. It was Yuki. I smiled at him. I could tell he tried to smile back. But in the end he just gave me a quick peck on the lips and sat next to me at the table.

I took out my notepad again, _What's wrong?_

"Nothing," He murmured.

_You're lying._

"Nothing is wrong, Kyo."

That really ticked me off. I got up without eating and left for school.

When I got their I went straight to the roof. There were to people there. Uotani, Hanajima, and some guy.

"Kyo?" Uotani said curiously.

I nodded.

"How are you feeling?" Hanajima asked stepping forward.

I took out my notepad. _Fine._

"Tohru told us you got mugged, and you throat was cut." Uo said.

"She also said that you could no longer talk, I guess this is proof." Hanajima said, indicating the notepad.

I nodded. That was sweet of Tohru not to tell.

"Who's this?" the guy asked, he had an American accent.

"Kyo, this is David and exchange stupid from the U.S. David this is Kyo Sohma." Hanajima introduced.

I nodded.

"So you were mugged?" David said with a whistle, "Ouch."

I pulled down the bandage, showing my gruesome mark.

"Oh my god." Uo said, she looked like she was going to hug me, I stepped back.

She got the hint, "Kyo you poor thing."

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Uotani wasn't the only one to call me 'poor thing'. I got it all day at school, and the next day, and the next day. It was driving me insane.

But what was really driving me crazy, was Yuki. He was avoiding me. I was starting to recede back into myself again.

My time is running out, and Yuki still won't have me.

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please review

thanks so much

Love

Laurena


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a week since I came back to school.

I lay on my bed, wretchedly trying to go to sleep.

I roll around, I try to sleep facing the opposite way, I try sleeping on the floor, moving to the couch downstairs, I even tried running in place to tire myself out. And still I am deprived of my much needed sleep.

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It's been like this since Yuki stopped looking at me. It's been like this since he stopped paying attention to me.

I can't sleep. I can't eat.

…I'm dieing…

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It's been a month.

I look in the mirror and I can count my ribs. My skin is pale. I stopped going to Master's dojo. My wrists are sore and bloody.

I don't feel. I don't listen. I can't care anymore.

Everything's lost, everything's gone. Nothing left but emptiness, and the claws of depression ripping at my soul.

…I'm slowly crumbling…I'm falling farther than before, and I'm getting closer to Akito's wrath every minute…but I can't care…I've forgotten how to.

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I walked down the stairs, or more like stumbled. I accidentally missed a step and hit my arm on the rail. I clutched my sore, fresh cuts to my chest and I whimpered silently, tears coming down my face.

I saw Yuki at the bottom of the steps, he was looking at me. I saw pain in his eyes. And at that moment I wanted nothing more than to hold him with all my might.

He walked away, I sobbed, more tears springing forth against my will.

_You took my heart, you told me you loved my, and than you through me away as soon as I was broken. _I thought bitterly.

I brokenly sobbed as I got to my feet and went to my room.

I searched through my bureau. I saw a glint of metal in the sun, and found what I was searching for. My tool of pleasure, my knife.

I removed my shirt. I stared at myself. Broken goods. That's all I was, not even good for sex.

I gripped the knife, and brought it slowly across my flat stomach, I shivered in pain and pleasure, I felt the hot liquid slowly running down my skin and collecting at the top of my pants.

I crossed the cut two more times, before I had to sit down. I was light headed from the loss of blood.

Slowly I lie down on my bed. I hear people down stairs; my keen ears pick out Uo, Hana and that David kid.

I groan, and pulled the covers up over myself, they were black, so that if anyone came in they would just think he was still asleep.

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David POV

I looked around the Sohma house. It was nice, not like the more European stile houses Uo and Hana lived in though. It was the kind of house I wanted to live in when I signed up for the exchange student program.

"Oh hello David." Tohru said cheerily.

"Ah, hi Tohru." A said with a smile, I looked around I say Tohru, and Yuki, but no Kyo. "Hey where is Kyo? He lives here right?"

"Ah yeah, I think he's in his room, I was about to go get him." Tohru said, about to untie here apron.

"Ah wait, tell me where his room is, and I'll go get him." I offered.

"Okay, it's up the stairs, the second door." She smiled sweetly.

I walked up the stairs, and to the second door. I stopped for some odd reason I was hesitant. I shook my head, sometimes I can be stupid.

I knocked.

"…" Nothing.

I knocked again.

"…" Still nothing.

I opened the door, there he was lying on the bed, just looking at me.

I hit myself in the head, _stupid stupid stupid stupid, how's he supposed to answer if he can't talk? Stupid stupid…_

"I am so sorry, man, I totally forgot." I said walking into the room a little.

He didn't move at all, he just looked at me.

I lowered my eyes.

"umm…" This was getting awkward, so I closed the door and sat down in front of him.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked resting my head on my palm.

He shook his head, finally a sign of life on planet Kyo.

"Dude I'm not that stupid, what's up?" I asked again, seeing his marker and mini whiteboard, and gave them to Kyo.

He didn't pull down his blanket, not even to write, he just looked at me.

"Dude, come on." I tried to pull the blanket away, but he wouldn't let go. I pulled harder, but he clutched it with white knuckles.

He was hiding something, and I was going to find out what it was. Suddenly I pulled with all my might, and he wasn't ready for it, he let go.

I stared in shocked horror. I looked around, the bloody knife on the bureau, the spots of blood on the wooden floors; the smell, the horrible smell of blood…

I scrambled to get to my feet; I started to run out the door but didn't make it in time before I puked my guts onto the wooden floors.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and cautiously looked back at Kyo. He was sitting up, his hands resting on his horrible, bloody stomach wound.

"Kyo…" I croaked, trying to keep sobs back.

He looked up, tears running down his face.

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Kyo POV

Why is he crying? Why isn't he running away?

I laid back down, it hurt to sit up.

David started to crawl over to me. I moved away.

"Kyo." He said it again before he took me into his arms.

I struggled. _No! No! Not again, not again, PLEASE NOT AGAIN_ I begged silently, my mouth open but the words unable to come forth.

"Kyo, why are you hurting yourself like this?" He sobbed into the crook of my neck.

I struggled some more, but…My body went limp with exhaustion_, let him take advantage of me._ I stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Kyo." He shook my shoulders.

I heard a gasp from the doorway. It was Tohru, Uo and Hana.

"Someone call the ambulance, hurry." Uo said coming over to me.

"David what happened?" Uo asked shaking David, he seemed to have gone into shock.

"I don't know," He sobbed, "I came up here and he was like this." He held me tighter.

My sight started to go blurry. Noises started to dull…and then nothing.


	5. Chapter 5, Discontinued or On hold

Sorry people I'm not able to finish this story, but if you feel the need to finish it on your own with a sequel, go ahead, just email me, so that I know.

Much love, peace out. 


	6. Chapter 6

Here you go, But I don't think I can live up to my passed glory days, read at the risk of your disappointment.

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David POV

Throughout my seemingly dull life I had never had to deal with this sort of pain. This wasn't the kind that showed, like a bleeding cut or a bruise. No…This was a deeper hurt. I had never actually seen someone so badly injured, ripped to the core of my heart and made it hard to breathe. My stomach lurches as my mind dwells on Kyo lying in his bed bleeding…so much blood….blood everywhere….

I shake my head to rid myself of that horrible scene. I stare at the stark white ceiling of the dreary hospital.

I look round. Everyone is here that was at the Sohma House. I;m sitting between Uo and Hana, across from Mr. Sohma, Tohru and Yuki.

They all seem so distraught, but not Yuki. Yuki looked Despondent. And that made me hate him.

I got up and I left, maybe someday I would see Kyo. But not today. Not with these people.

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Kyo POV

I'm awake. But I wished that I wasn't. I keep my eyes closed. I can hear the doctors talking to a psychiatrist. They are talking about certain solutions for my mental collapse.

I don't need they're help. I don't need anyone.

"…from what I've from his guardian, he has recently become mute. He needs to be sent to a facility that can lift his depression as well as help him learn sign language." Stated that female Psychiatrists voice.

"Is there such a place in Japan?" Asked a deeper male voice.

"It's not a large facility. It's a small boarding school for the deaf, blind, and dumb. They specialize in people who weren't born that way but have lost their ability due to some sort of accident, or sickness. I've only heard good things about the school Doctor." She finished.

I opened my eyes finally to see what the psychiatrist looked like.

She was short and lithe, with a bob hair cut and small spectacles. She looked professional, but also open, not rigid. I liked her immediately.

I liked the idea of going away. I couldn't stand to be at the Sohma House any longer, and once I leave Akito won't be able stop me, Child Protective Services would see to that.

I moved my arms up and down as far as the restraints they had attached to me would allow. I finally caught one of the nurse's attention.

"Doctor the patient is awake." Stated the nurse coming to Kyo's side to check his vitals.

The Doctor was a burly looking man with whiskers and laughing wrinkles. He seemed nice, like a beloved grandfather.

"Mr. Sohma my name is Dr. Chin Woo. Nod your head if you don't feel any pain."  
He commanded softly.

Kyo nodded, and then pointed his finger at the Psychiatrist.

"Oh hello Kyo-san, my name is Dr. Saku. Earlier I was speaking with Dr. Chin Woo on the possibility that you might want to leave your current residence and reside within a School facilitated to your needs. Would you like that?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

I looked down, and quickly looked back up into her eyes, and I could feel the tears coming down my face. I nodded, maybe a little too fervently because that doctor chuckled and advised me not to throw out my neck as well.

But I was sure this is what I needed. An escape from that house and that person. And maybe someday when I'm better I'll go and find David, and start again. Until then I will live.

I…I don't need anyone to except me, because I am unacceptable….I am unacceptable, and I don't need you to tell what I am and what I am not, because….I am unacceptable! And I have finally come to except that.

I smiled.

The End

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Okay I know some of you are mad, but I not really the writing kind, I tried it and it didn't really work out, so I came up with this.

Later

LAURENA


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